You’re invited to celebrate Blair Elise
You’re invited to grab a cupcake or your choice of treat and enjoy it for Blair Elise Strohmayer’s first birthday.
Share a photo using the hashtag #celebratingBlairElise or keep the memories with just you. Either way, we’re honored.
This will be the first of many years that we hope to continue this tradition. We credit Meg Walker and her precious son Jacob for the idea!
The question of whether or not I wanted to commemorate the first anniversary since Blair’s stillbirth as her first birthday versus something else has been something I’ve been pondering for quite a while.
Do we call June 12th her “birthday”? She was stillborn. She never took her first breath. We never heard her cries. She doesn’t have a birth certificate.
Do we call June 12th her “birthday? She’s not really “turning 1” in the physical sense. We aren’t seeing her as a baby learning how to stand, walk, and babble. We aren’t counting how many teeth has come in.
Do we call June 12th her “birthday”? Our memories of her rest only when I was pregnant with her and when we held her still yet perfectly formed body for the first and last time. What is there to celebrate about a baby that never got a chance to grow?
I’ve come to the conclusion that: Yes, June 12th will be not only considered Blair’s birthday, but it will also be celebrated. We plan to celebrate Blair’s birthday this year and in the years to come.
Although Blair never took a breath, she was still born. Her birth was a significant event to me as her mother who birthed her. I tangibly remember her birth story and postpartum experience. Holding her beautiful body for those few short hours was an unforgettable moment that I will always treasure.
Blair’s birth was not only a significant event for me but also for our family. Her entry into our world - however brief and quiet and tragic as it was - will forever be a marked moment in our family’s history. Blair is counted amongst our family as our third daughter, granddaughter, and great-granddaughter on both sides of our extended families. There are photos of her or of things that remember her on family calendars. She is not physically here, but she is still very much apart of how our families are knit together.
As I’ve thought heavily on the subject, one mother’s post for Still Standing Magazine was the turning point for empowering me to celebrate our daughter and her birthdays in the years to come. Jordann titled her post, “Yes, She Gets a Birthday Too” . She boldly speaks out to any critics:
I get it. It’s confusing when you see posts celebrating the heavenly birthdays of babies born that we lost.
You think we’re living in the past.
You think we’re trapped by sadness.
But if we can celebrate the birthdays of Lucille Ball and Elvis Presley, along with other famous and loved ones lost, why are our babies any different?
Reading that gave me an a-ha moment. Celebrating the birthdays of our stillborn babies has nothing to do with living in the past nor ‘trapped’ by sadness. When you commemorate the birthday of a celebrity or - more closer to home - the birthdays of grandparents or other relatives that have died, it’s done so in a way to continue to give them them dignity. Their lives mattered, and so we remember them on their special day. Do I think there will be sadness and other big feelings of missing our child on the day that I birthed them? Sure. Of course. Will I want to celebrate anyway? Yes.
There is much that differs in the day-to-day routine of mothering living children versus mothering a child that has died. For me, birthdays are not one of them. Whether born still or breathing, every one of my children’s births were miracles and life-changing experiences. Differentiating whether or not Blair’s birth is celebrated in comparison to my living children simply because she died is something I’m going to do. Her birth was and continues to be as much a blessing as have been of our children. We are so fortunate to have had her in our lives, even if we only held her for one night.
Jordann continues:
…Instead of feeling sad for what we lost, we will celebrate what we had.
It won’t be “weird” when we celebrate her heavenly Sweet 16 — it will be sweet.
…I will be demonstrating a very critical life lesson to my son, while also offering remembrance to a very special human that was once, and always will be, a very special part of us, our story and our family.
For her first birthday, as mentioned earlier in the post, we will have a sweet treat in her honor and invite others to do the same. As a family, we also plant something each year to commemorate how many years old she would have been if she were alive. This year, it will be a single tree. When she turns two, we will plant two of something else, and so on.
So, without further adieu, you’re invited to join us in celebrating Blair’s first birthday on June 12th, 2021!
