PSA before giving birth again

October 2020. A day later, we learned we conceived baby #4.

This is my last planned post before baby #4 arrives. I look forward to sharing sweet photos of her birth real soon. I am full of hope that this pregnancy will end in life that continues beyond the womb.

As we joyously anticipate her birth, however, I want to leave with some words of caution on how to approach not only my upcoming birth but those of anyone experiencing the birth of living children after stillbirth.

"Often it is suggested that tragedy will turn into something beautiful down the line. While I am a huge believer that joy can rise from the ashes, I am acutely aware that to even suggest something good can come out of loss is hurtful and insulting. Just because someone finds happiness following a loss, doesn't mean someone's death turned into something good. Likewise, just because someone finds a way to turn their pain into purpose, doesn't mean the lass happened for a reason. Everything doesn't have to be made pretty, we don't need to put a bow on top of everything, some things can stay messy. They can remain raw, unanswered, confused, and a person can still go on to find peace and happiness." - Zoe Clark-Coates

While I am full of joy at the thought of meeting our new daughter very soon, I know also that life will continue to be messy. My grief will show up in places like the new sisterhood that will form with our living daughters, as I navigate breastfeeding again, and as I experience things with baby #4 that I never got to share with Blair.

Life will be beautiful with our new baby in our arms, but not everything will tied up neatly with a bow. Our stillborn child will continue to be loved and very much missed.